Originally published in Energy Magazine: The official Publication of the Healing Touch Program September/October Issue. 

It has been two days since returning home from my Healing Touch Level 4 training. This level marks the beginning of the HT Practitioner Apprenticeship year and focuses on preparation for Level 5 graduation and Practitioner Certification. This four-day workshop at a retreat center in Chicago offered uninterrupted, in-depth study of healing techniques, professional practice is-sues, as well as, a safe, trusting environment to continue personal healing. Since returning from this remarkable experience, I have been asked a dozen or so times how I am doing. People seem to ask without expectation, as more of a greeting. We all do it. However, I have been tempted to replace the usual “fine, thanks” with the truth – “I’m processing.”

I suspect most people would not know what to make of that – and neither do I. The beauty of it is that, as I continue learning to follow my energy and that of others, I am making room for the mysterious changes that are unfolding within me. Part of that requires that I politely ask my rational brain to take a seat in the corner while my feelings take their turn.

I am not always so gracious toward my feelings. During the workshop, as my partner and I finished our third session together, with me as the HT practitioner, I notice the time and realize that I am encroaching on the second hour. If I do not finish, she will not have enough time to give me a full session. Rather than motivate me, the idea has a ho-hum effect. Well, I think, I do not really need a turn. Maybe due to the high vibrations in the room, I thankfully recognize this as the voice of fear. But fear of what?

I tell my partner, Kathy, about it, and complain of my thigh muscles feeling tight. She begins our session and after a moment has me turn onto my stomach. As she works on my back I cannot help but think that she may be off base. My shoulders are feeling pleasantly tingly, but shouldn’t we do some serious work? By the time we finish and head to our lunch break, I know that serious work is exactly what has happened. I cannot seem to stay grounded. I try to eat but feel waves of anxiety. More than anything, I want to be alone, outside, preferably lying face down in the grass. But I do not want to miss the lunchtime conversations with Level 5 participants, who are sharing this weekend with us and providing valuable insight, support, and encouragement.

However, self care is an important part of the weekend, so I excuse myself. My shoes come off the minute I get outdoors and the hot asphalt feels wonderful under my feet. I find a spot under the trees, just past a shrine to St. Joseph. Pray for Us says the inscription in the cement, but the shrine is empty. I wonder if he is having some work done, too?!

With my back against a tree, I let the tears come. The emotions feel old but, strangely, are not attached to definite thoughts or memories. In a way, this is a relief. In the two years that I have been receiving Healing Touch treatments, I continue to hold a fear that, in releasing emotion, I will be forced to relive some-thing unpleasant. What I have found is that the fear comes from the stories I have attached to the feelings, not the feelings themselves. This time the story is not the point. Instead of sentences, I am envisioning a finger painting – streaks and smudges and colors. Although my brain is not necessarily happy about being deprived of its a-ha! moment – my body knows that this is safe and right and needed. The energy knows. The Universe knows.

By now I am in desperate need of a Kleenex. I have nothing in my purse but an Always panty liner. It will have to do. I unwrap it and dab my eyes, thankful that St. Joseph is not there to see, though I am sure he would understand. It is at this unlikely moment that I have the inspiration to write about this experience. What reassurance! Proof that I am in spirit and never alone, in this moment, as in every moment. The truth of it makes me cry more. As I cry, one classmate passes by. Then another. Both pass silently, respecting my space. I’m thankful for the intricate and glorious cloth from which these women are cut and for the common threads that bind us. Mostly because they too simply know.

Some of them share their thoughts:

Participating in Level 4 has been a lovely way to be active in the necessary journey of Health Care Reform. We are each change agents. The more we deliberately focus on our capacities to heal and create healing environments for others to heal, the closer and more possible heaven on earth becomes. One light at a time! I feel quite blessed to be a witness to others’ awakening, and have deep gratitude for the presence of others affirming love to me. -Barbara Starke, Healing Touch Certified Instructor

The Level 4 experience assisted me to find my sense of calm and centeredness again, and provided me with the tools to maintain that calm in the midst of the storms of everyday life.  -Kathy Tanouye, student

Level 4 changed how I look at myself and my future. I am truly looking forward to my apprenticeship year and becoming a Healing Touch practitioner.  -Kathy Welhouse, student

It was amazing to meet such wonderful, thoughtful, intelligent women. I am constantly amazed at this healing, both in myself and others. It makes me happy!  -Tara Seider, student

If you have experiences from your own Healing Touch training levels you’d like to share, please consider submitting to Energy Magazine. We all learn from each others’ journeys!